


You Got a Semi-Automatic Mouth

by Coppercurls



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, So Much Poetry, discussions of mental health, it wasn't supposed to be angst but here we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 20:10:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15372399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coppercurls/pseuds/Coppercurls
Summary: Derek “Nursey” Nurse hated poetry. And was going to fight it. With his fists. When he voiced these opinions, however, he was met with laughter, scoffs and eyerolls.This week the challenge was to write a poem as a list. Nursey was ten out of ten not enjoying it. His poem just wasn’t sitting quite right with him. To be honest, reality just wasn’t sitting right with him, but he had to get through the rest of the day before he could fall into that line of thinking.





	You Got a Semi-Automatic Mouth

Derek “Nursey” Nurse hated poetry. And was going to fight it. With his fists. When he voiced these opinions, however, he was met with laughter, scoffs and eyerolls. 

He was sitting in one of the English building classrooms, and he and his poetry workshop group were hoping that no one came by to kick them out in the name of a legit class. That had happened three times in the last two weeks. They should probably just start renting out one of the study rooms, but there weren’t any in the English building, and they wanted to be close enough to their professor’s office so they could go bother him as needed. 

This week the challenge was to write a poem as a list. Nursey was ten out of ten not enjoying it. His poem just wasn’t sitting quite right with him, and his group was no help today, they just kept telling him it was a good poem. To be honest, reality just wasn’t sitting right with him, but he had to get through the rest of the day before he could fall into that line of thinking.

“But what’s wrong with it, guys,” he asked. Kacie just rolled her eyes at him. 

“What if you set it aside for a bit?” Dana suggested. “Come back to it with fresh eyes.”

Nursey hummed. “Good idea,” he said. 

“Ok, we’ve got twenty more minutes of quiet work,” Ian said, glaring lightly at Nursey. He wanted to groan, but he didn’t out of respect for the members of his group that weren’t at a standstill with their poem. 

Instead, he read over his poem again, fruitlessly. It was a recipe for French toast, but all the ingredients were aspects of an anxiety attack. It was the instructions that were tripping him up. He scowled then dug out the poetry collection they needed to read from his bag. 

It was a collection called Night Sky with Exit Wounds by a guy named Ocean Vuong. Nursey had been skipping around a lot, but he was falling in love. He opened the book at random, to a page where one side was titled “Anaphora as Coping Mechanism” and the other “Seventh Circle of Earth.” Before the twenty minutes were up, he’d gotten through both those poems with some light annotations, as well as another titled “On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous.”

A horrible predownloaded ringtone goes off from Ian’s phone right as Nursey boxed around the line 'And so I learned that a man, in climax, was the closest thing to surrender.' 

“Okay, kids, let’s share what we have.” Ian turned off the alarm on his phone. “Who wants to go first?”

“I will,” Dana said. She held up her notebook and read. Her poem was a series of dates spanning backwards from a day the previous year to a date over six years ago, starting with a relationship gone sour, moving back to a first meeting. 

Each member of the group gave their feedback, then Dana asked her questions. They moved to Ian next, who listed off the supplies needed for a week- long hunting trip, adding in phrases of memory of thought after each item in parentheses. They went through their feedback routine again, then it was Nursey’s turn.

He took a deep breath, ignoring the fact that his voice was going to shake anyways. 

“French Toast  
2 fragile palms  
Splash of sun-forsaken skin  
Insecurity (as needed)  
Half dozen slices of regret  
To begin, crack the fragile palms and let the blood seep out. Whisk with sun-forsaken skin, and add in the needed amount of insecurity (I recommend three tablespoons). Use your regret to soak up this mixture. Fry at a medium-high heat until the ingredients are indistinguishable.”

He set the notebook down and used his shaking hands to smooth out the already flat paper. He looked at his group. “Hit me,” he said.

Their feedback was a nice grab bag of positive and negative critiques, but even after he asked his questions, he didn’t feel as if any of them had hit on what he needed to fix the poem. Whatever. He listened intently to Kacie’s poem of a list of medications, but after they worked through her poem, he made his excuses and headed out.

He went straight back to the Haus. He was mentally wiped for the time being, and there was a team dinner in an hour or so anyways. 

When he walked in, Bitty was in the kitchen, working on a meal big enough to feed the hockey team twice over. So far, Bitty’s senior year has been marked from the expansion of his stress baking to include stress cooking. Nursey sighed. They probably needed to stage an intervention soon. There were two distinct sauces on the stove, and what looked like a bowl of gravy on the counter.

Nursey trudged up the stairs to his and Dex’s room. He smiled when he saw his boyfriend already there, even if he was scowling at some of his statistics homework. Nursey flopped onto the bottom bunk (It was technically Dex’s but, like, ladder). Dex looked over at him and offered a smile before turning wordlessly back to his work.

Nursey curled up on the bed, figuring he’d try and catch a nap before…

The fire alarm went off. Nursey jumped up and shoved his laptop in his bag, before slinging it over his shoulder. He looked over and saw Dex shoving his textbooks in his bag as well. “You got it, babe?”

“Yeah babe.” 

Dex was tense, Nursey grabbed his hand and held it as they walked down the hall and stairs. Chowder and Cait were leaving Chowder’s room too, both looking a bit disheveled. 

As they all walked down the stairs, Nursey said, “I bet Bitty’s cooking just got out of hand.”

Dex snorted. “I’m not taking that bet.”

“Maybe it’s something else?” Chowder said.

They turned out of the stairway, and saw smoke billowing out of the kitchen door. Nursey and Dex both turned and gave Chowder a look. He shrugged. “I said maybe.”

The four of them, waving throat-burning smoke out of the way of their lungs, entered the kitchen. They saw Bitty simply standing there, staring at the remarkably large stove fire. 

“Holy fuck, Bitty,” Dex said. He let go of Nursey’s hand and walked forward, pulling bitty back from the flames and switching off the burners. He grabbed a lid from the pots and pans cabinet and a oven mitt from the drawer above that. He quickly put on the oven mitt, and with that hand, he slid the lid onto the pan.

“Okay, we should open all the windows on this floor, then wait outside for the smoke to clear,” Dex said. Everyone went to do as he said, and within a few minutes, all five of them were standing in the front yard, looking at the purely ridiculous amount of smoke still coming out of the house.

“I’ll order pizza,” Nursey said.

“Remember that Lucy is gluten-intolerant,” Bitty said faintly. 

Chowder offered Dex a fist bump. 

That’s when Nursey noticed two of the girls that lived next door, the women’s soccer team house, coming up to them. 

“Is everything okay?” asked the girl Nursey knew was named Charlie. 

Dex nodded. “It was just a grease fire, I smothered it, we’re just waiting for the smoke to clear out.”

“Oh, no,” the other girl said. “I called the fire department. They said they’d be here in a few minutes.”

“That’s ok!” Chowder said, smiling at her. “Thanks for looking out for us.”

The girls wandered back to their house, and Nursey finally pulled up the phone number of the pizza place they liked, and ordered ten pizzas, all of the usual variety, and one gluten free. 

“Did you get a Hawaiian?” Dex asked when he got off the phone.

Nursey rolled his eyes. “Of course, just for you.”

“You know full well that Danny and King will both eat some.” It was an old argument, one Nursey knew would bring up appropriate levels of snark, hopefully to counteract Dex’s spike of anxiety at the fire alarm. 

“They’re just heathens like you babe.”

Once the fire department got there, and Dex and Bitty explained the situation, they sprawled out in various positions around the yard. Nursey sprawled in the leaves under the tree and pulled out Vuong’s book again. Dex settled next to him, leaning against the tree, and propped his legs up on Nursey’s stomach.

“Well, I’m gonna brave it,” Bitty said abruptly before walking briskly into the Haus. Nursey looked up from his book.

“What’s that about?”

“I think he went in to get some homework.”

“He’s lost his tool for procrastination,” Chowder said, “And now he finally has to work.”

Nursey whistled. “Maybe we won’t have to stage an intervention after all.”

At that moment, Bitty walked out of the Haus, arms laden with quilts and a single textbook, and a pencil and highlighter stuck behind his ears. “I heard that Derek Nurse, and if any of my cookies survived, you can bet your ass you’re not gettin’ any of ‘em. And it’s going to have to be a picnic tonight.” Bitty shook out one of the quilts and laid it out, immediately laying down on his stomach and opening his textbook.

Nursey laughed, and set aside his book. He hadn’t finished the poem he was reading yet, but he just had an idea for a line. He scribbles 'Dripping ecstasy, the tap of a maple tree' in his notebook, on one of the pages half-filled with random phrases.

He glances over at his boyfriend, figuring he could watch him for a moment before returning to being productive. He found Dex already looking at him, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“Don’t like what you see, babe?” Nursey asked, ignoring the core of insecurity in the question.

“Do you ever write poems about me?”

Nursey blinked at him. “Not really? I’ve never been big on love poems.”

“Huh,” Dex said, and turned his attention back to his notes. Nursey felt his eyebrows furrow. The tension still hadn’t left Dex’s shoulders. Instead of letting himself be caught up in it, he turned his attention to this week’s poem, and he started to implement some of the changes his workshop had suggested earlier. 

Only thirty minutes later, the pizza man pulled up, and Nursey stood, thankful for the reprieve, and signed for them, then set them down on the quilt next to Bitty. He didn’t feel their heat on his hands, quite. He knew the boxes were hot, but he didn’t feel it.

“Hey, Bits, how long until everyone shows up?” He asked. 

Bitty looked up from his phone. “They should start showing up any minute.”

Dex stood up. “I’ll check and see how well the Haus has cleared off.”

Chowder watched Dex enter the Haus before turning to Nursey. “Is he okay? He seems tense.”

“He’s been like this all afternoon. I’ll try to talk to him later.” Not going to lie, Nursey had been hoping to be the one getting comforted tonight.

But he wasn’t going to let himself get caught up in a spiral of self- pity. Fuck that. 

He stood up and started helping Bitty shake and lay out the quilts and other blankets, and the team was starting to show up. 

Soon, team dinner was in full swing. Every minute or so, Nursey would look at the door to the Haus, and still not see Dex come out. It took ten minutes, but Nursey decided that was enough, and he stood up to go find Dex and let him know team dinner had started. 

As soon as Nursey entered the Haus, he heard talking from the den. As he walked closer he heard Dex talking. 

“I just don’t want to bother him with this, Liz. I don’t want to bother you either, really.” Dex was quiet for a moment, and Nursey found himself hovering out of the doorway. He didn’t think he should interrupt right now. Then Dex was talking again. “I don’t think he loves me, or, hell, even likes me, Lizzy. I'm not going to burden him with my shit.”

Nursey froze, and after a moment, turned and walked away, ignoring that blow to his stomach. He wasn’t supposed to hear that. Maybe if he could pretend he hadn’t, it would be okay. Maybe if the spiral going on in his secondary level of thought would shut the hell up, he could forget it.

But the secondary level of thought kept whispering, had he made Dex think he didn’t love him? Had he made Dex think he wouldn’t support him? Even without the dating thing, Nursey counted Dex one of his best friends. Nursey looked down at his hands and unclenched his fists, looking at the red crescents there, not bleeding, but not far from it. Crack the fragile palms and let the blood seep out. Nursey needed to stop grounding himself in pain. He needed to stop having anxiety attacks in the first place, this was ridiculous. Why was he like this?

Nursey took a breath in, and grabbed another slice of pizza, and forced his focus on entering Chowder and Cait’s conversation. In another five minutes, Dex came out, and grabbed himself a few slices of pizza, and sat down next to Nursey. Nursey tried to offer Dex a smile. Dex responded with one that looked as unconvincing as Nursey thought his was. 

Dinner ended not too long later, but maybe it was a lot later. Nursey couldn’t find it in himself to interact much. It was easier to hover on the edge of existing. 

By the time everyone had cleared out, the Haus was almost completely smoke free. Dex and Bitty went into the kitchen to survey the damage. Nursey went into the living room with Ollie and Wicks. He let them take the couch, and within a minute they were playing Mario Kart. Nursey took the loveseat, sitting sideways so he could use his knees and stomach to balance his laptop as he finally tried to start his essay that was due on Friday. He pulled up his notes and tried to focus on his reading of The Bell Jar with a historic lens. 

After a few minutes, Dex exited the kitchen. Nursey didn’t adjust his position to make room for him, and tried to justify it as he was already set up, not that he was being petty. His secondary level of thought told him he was being petty. He ignored it. Maybe if he dissociated enough, he could actually write his essay.

Dex sat down on the floor in front of the couch, and joined in Mario Kart as soon as the first round was over. Nursey decidedly didn’t notice the look Dex sent him. 

Nursey was a whopping one hundred words into his essay with his phone chimed with an incoming call. He quickly set aside his laptop, grabbed his bag, and went outside to answer the call. He clicked accept and kept walking.

“Hello,” Nursey said. He wasn’t sure which of his parents he was talking to yet.

“Hi, Derek.” His father. “How has the start of your week gone?”

“Okay,” Nursey said. “I have a lot of homework this week, so I’m trying to get a jump on that.”

“That’s good. Anything you’re worried about in particular?”

Nursey considered lying for a second. “I have a few essays, and those are always hard for me.”

“You know,” Nursey mentally groaned, “business majors have a lot less essays.”

“I know, Dad.” He winced as his words came out the wrong side of bitter.

“No need to be short, I’m just saying it’s not too late to change your major. You can always stay an extra year or so if that’s what it takes,” his dad said.

Nursey knew his dad loved him, he did. But if he could just support him for once, that would be really fucking appreciated. “I think I’ll stick with English. I’ve been doing well in my poetry class.”

“That’s… good.” His dad paused for a moment. “Have you been taking your medicine.”

And they’ve reached the final destination of the conversation. “Yep,” Nursey said. “I have therapy tomorrow too.”

“I’m glad. How have you and that boy been?”

Nursey nearly forgot to respond he was so unprepared for that question. Normally their conversations ended with the mental health dialogue. “Um, it’s alright. I think things are a bit tense right now, but I don’t really know what happened.”

“You remember what I taught you?” he asked.

Nursey smiled. “If you’re in the wrong: apologize. If you’re in the right: apologize more.”

His dad laughed. “I’m glad I’ve taught you that much. Okay, your mother just came in and obviously wants the phone. I’m glad you’re doing alright. Talk to you next week?”

“Yeah.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Then Nursey’s mom was on the phone. “Did I just hear you recite the old apologize rule?” She asked without so much as a hello. “What happened?”

“Hello to you too, Mom,” Nursey said with a laugh.

“Yes, yes, hello, is that boy treating you right?”

“Yes, mama, I actually think I messed up somehow.”

“Well, what did you do?”

“I don’t know. But he was telling his sister how he doesn’t think I love him, and that he doesn’t want to burden me with his problems.”

His mom hummed. “The apologize method should work here. And communicate. I know you’re not good at that.”

“Mom,” Nursey whined, “don’t call me out like that.”

“Then communicate. Now how’s school?”

Nursey proceeds to have practically the same conversation that he had with his dad, except 1) his mom didn’t try to switch him to a business major, and 2) his mom asked a lot more questions.

But still, it wasn’t long before he and his mom said their “Love you”s. Talking to his parents had given him just long enough to get to the pond and sitting under his favorite tree. For the thousandth time, he considered climbing the tree, but talked himself out of it before he broke something. As he’d anticipated, talking to his parents had left him emotionally drained, even with the conversation going fairly well. He laid out in the grass and tried to soak up the sunset. It was too golden for him today, and he couldn’t absorb its good mood. 

After the sun was down, he readjusted so the humming electric lamplight fell on him strong enough he could read more of Vuong’s poetry. He read one new poem, “Aubade with Burning City”, but then he found himself turning back to “Anaphora as Coping Mechanism”. 'Can’t sleep so you put on his grey boots—nothing else—& step inside the rain'… 

Nursey woke up to his phone vibrating angrily in his pocket. It must have been vibrating for a while to wake him up. He answered. “’Lo?”

“Nursey where the fuck are you.”

It was Dex. “Oh, hey Dex.” In his defense, Nursey was not awake yet. 

“That does not answer the question.”

Fuck, he was pissed. “Near the pond, at my tree. Are you okay?”

“Obviously not, Nursey, you’ve been missing for hours.”

“That’s not it.”

Dex huffed. “I’ve had the most shit day and now it’s nearly three a.m. and I’m still awake because my asshole boyfriend, instead of being here for me, has fucked off and not responded to the texts and calls I’ve been frantically sending his way for the last four hours.”

“Shit, Dex, I’m so-“

“No. You don’t get to be sorry yet. Did you miss the part where it’s normally three in the morning? I really could’ve used a single goddamn text if you didn’t feel like dealing with me tonight. You can’t just fuck of to god knows where. I was starting to think you’d been murdered. Chowder had to talk me out of a panic attack. He’s worried sick too, by the way. Why the fuck didn’t you text?”

“Chill babe, I just fell asleep.” Nursey felt himself getting defensive with Dex yelling at him like that. So he won’t accept the apology? Nursey will give him the fight he’s so obviously raring for. 

“Fucking hell, Nurse, was I not obvious enough for you earlier? I was trying to send you signals all dinner that I wanted to talk, but then you sat in the living room, not even with me, not even trying to make room for me, then you disappeared. Fuck, even Ollie and Wicks were worried about me when they saw how badly I was doing at Mario Kart. Do you just not give a fuck?”

“When have I ever given you the idea that I don’t care about you, Poindexter?”

Dex’s response switched to quiet fury. “Today, and half of my bad days at least. It’s like you don’t even fucking see me.”

Nursey felt a sinking in his gut. He knew he’d been having a rough semester, but he hadn’t realized that he’d been dissociating that much, enough to make his boyfriend feel neglected. “Dex, I’m really sorry. It hasn’t been a great semester but-”

“You’re not the only one who needs support Nursey. I lost my job.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, fuck. And my mom fed me that bullshit that I don’t need to have a job, as if they have the money to support me, and then I find out my boyfriend doesn’t even care about me enough to notice that I needed him, and I find out I’m not even important enough to you for you to write poetry about? I don’t know, Nursey, that’s just the straw that broke the camel’s back.” He sounded broken. 

“Will, I’m so sorry.”

Dex laughed bitterly. “Okay, babe. I’m going to go to sleep.” Then he hung up.

Nursey fell back onto the ground with a thump. He’d fucked up. He lay on the ground, looking at the few stars that beat the light pollution. He wondered how he could fix it.

He slept in the quad that night, and was happy that he had enough in his bag that he didn’t have to go back to the Haus before class, and that there wasn’t practice on Tuesdays. He didn’t want to see Dex until he’d figured out how to apologize. 

After his literary criticisms class, he had therapy, and as soon as the door to Jeri’s room closed, he flung himself, a little dramatically, onto the couch and asked, “How do you apologize when it’s really important you get it right?”

Jeri hummed. “It depends. It’s important to address the other party’s concerns in a way that isn’t just you trying to excuse your actions. If it’s that kind of apology at all, that is. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“I probably should,” Derek said. “Well, apparently I’ve been dissociating a lot more and a lot worse than I thought. It’s made Dex, my boyfriend, feel like I don’t pay attention to him, or want to support him, or care about him. It kinda came to a head last night. He had a really shitty day, and I overheard him talking to his sister. He said that he didn’t think I loved him. So, like, instead of dealing with the anxiety, I started dissociating, and I kind of avoided him, because my parents were going to call last night and I saved up my emotional energy for that, then afterwards I was drained, and I accidently fell asleep in the quad? And I woke up to him calling me at 3 and he yelled at me and laid out exactly why he was mad, and yeah.”

“Okay, thank you for sharing. That sounds like a lot. First things first, when do you see Dr. Phelps next?”

“In a few weeks, why?”

“I think you need to tell her your anxiety is bad enough to make you dissociate so much, if that’s the main reason you’re dissociating.” Nursey nodded a little. “Okay. Secondly, what do you want to say in your apology?”

Nursey thought for a moment. “I want to explain why I haven’t been supporting him like he needs, and I want to reiterate how much I care about him.”

“That sounds like a good start to an apology. Does he know that you dissociate?”

Nursey made a face. “No.”

“Do you think you want to tell him?”

Nursey played through a scenario where he didn’t. “I think I have to, or he will think I’m just coming up with a weak excuse.”

Jeri nodded, and let the silence grow. Nursey found himself talking again. “He’ll understand for sure, once I explain dissociation, I think. And now that I know how bad it is, I can work on it?”

Jeri smiled. “Of course we can. Let’s go over some ways you can handle your anxiety without disconnecting from your surroundings.”

Their hour was quickly over, as it always is, but as he was walking out, he realized they hadn’t brainstormed anyways that Nursey could show Dex that he loved him. Ugh. 

He walked into his poetry classroom, and he realized. He could write a poem. Dex was definitely important enough to him to inspire poems. He spent class struggling to pay attention, and jotting down half-baked lines about Dex. By the end of the class, he was frustrated enough that he forgot that the French Toast poem he just turned in had barely been edited since he got feedback. He sat as his classmates filed out, Kacie giving him a concerned glance as she passed. He just glared at another aborted poem. 

He stood up and walked to the front of the room, where Dr. Gerald was still packing up his things. He addressed Nursey before Nursey had said anything. “Can I help you with something, Derek?”

“Um, yes sir.” Dr. Gerald was the kind of man you called sir. “I was wondering… How can I write a good love poem?”

Dr. Gerald fixed him with a look. “Love may be the mood of a piece, but it shouldn’t also be the subject. Portray love through something, a scene, a person, a moment. If you write on the theme of love, on the topic of love, with the mood of love, with the subject of love, you’ll end up with enough cliché to kill a man.”

Nursey nodded. He was starting to build an idea. 

He went back to his desk and started to pack up. Before Dr. Gerald left, he spoke again. “If you show me this love poem before next class, you can gain back some of the participation points you lost today.” Then he walked out of the room. 

Nursey felt blood rush to his cheeks. He hadn’t thought he was that obviously distracted. 

He finished packing his things. Then he set off to find a classroom in the building that wasn’t being used. He wanted to run his poem by Dr. Gerald before his office hours were over. 

Nursey got back to the Haus around four that afternoon. The door slammed behind him. He saw Chowder napping on the couch, and heard someone rummaging around in the kitchen. He figured he could swindle some kind of baked good out of Bitty before he found Dex. 

It wasn’t Bitty in the kitchen. It was Dex, his back to the door as he pan fried something. Nursey watched him work for a moment, using the time to build up his emotional fortitude. Then he cleared his throat.

Dex turned to look at him, then turned away, back to his cooking. “Decided to show up, huh?”

Nursey gulped. “I’m sorry for disappearing. I wanted to get my apology right before I saw you again.”

“Let’s hear it, then.” Dex’s back was tense with stress. At least Nursey could notice that much. 

“Do you know what dissociation is?”

“Vaguely.”

“Okay, so, for me, it’s when I’m disconnected to my surroundings, and I’m pretty much just on autopilot, without really interacting with or even noticing what’s happening around me, no matter how much I want to care. It happens a lot when I’m anxious.”

Dex moved his pan to a different burner, then flicked the one he had been using off. He turned around and crossed his arms, but at least now he was looking at Nursey.

Nursey continued, “I didn’t realize how bad it had been getting until last night. You’re one of the most important people in my life, and I didn’t realize I hadn’t been seeing what was going on in your life. I’m so sorry I ever ignored you, or downplayed your problems for mine, or simply didn’t see you as you deserve to be seen. You deserve better.”

Dex’s eyes had softened, but his hands were still curled into fists where they rested on his crossed arms. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was tense. 

“I… didn’t know how I could. It’s just, been a part of how I cope for so long, and I never feel like it’s a valid excuse for things, but I want to explain so you know.”

“Okay. I’m still mad you just fucking disappeared yesterday.”

“That’s fair. How can I make it up to you?”

Dex looked at him, and Nursey noticed his arms had uncrossed, and instead his hands were resting lightly on the counter. Nursey smiled a bit, though he tried to stay serious. It was getting better. “Communicate. I’ll understand if you tell me what’s going on, but I can’t just always back burner my own shit because I don’t know how you’re doing.”

“I can do that,” Nursey said. “I’m also working with Jeri on other coping mechanisms for when I’m anxious.”

“That’s good.” Dex smiled a bit. 

“Are we okay?” Nursey asked.

Dex looked at him, and the set of his shoulders finally relaxed. “I hope so.”

Nursey stepped forward, with his arms open. Dex hesitated for half a moment, then stepped into the hug. Seconds later, they had melted into each other. 

“Wait,” Nursey said, disentangling himself from Dex’s arms. “There was another part of my apology.”

Dex raised his eyebrows. “Really?” 

Nursey started digging through his bag. “So, you said you didn’t think I cared about you enough to write a poem about you. And that’s the furthest thing from true. Like I said, you’re one of the most important people in my life. So, I wrote you a poem.”

“You didn’t have to, that was just something silly I got caught up on-”

“I wanted to.”

Dex looked at him for a moment, before he smiled the slow, lopsided smile of his. “Can I hear it?”

Nursey grabbed hold of his note book, finally, and pulled it out. It took him a minute to flip through the pages to find the one he was looking for. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and prayed that for once, his voice wouldn’t shake. “Sorry, okay, here goes. Um, it’s not titled yet.

“A beg to be branded  
thrown at shooting stars  
and blown away on  
wings of dandelions.  
That’s what brought you to me.

I know  
because the star is in your eyes.  
The dandelion fluff left marks  
where it melted into your skin.  
And you are the heat to burn me.

I’ll give you everything.  
Just sit, blood-hot on my tongue,  
just tie me to the stake,  
just take me to the third degree.  
I’ll be the oxygen for you to devour.

I’ve begged to be branded,  
you are the response to my plea.”

Nursey finished reading and looked at Dex. Dex was just staring at him. “Okay, I know it’s not very good yet, and it’s super cheesy, but I’ve only been working on it a day, and now that I know you want me to write poetry about you I’ll write-” 

He’s cut off as Dex steps up to him and presses his lips to Nursey’s. “That was so romantic you dork,” Dex said as he pulled away, but he didn’t give Nursey a chance to respond before kissing him again.

They were well on their way to making out on the kitchen table, when a cough came from the door. Dex jumped away from Nursey, and Nursey slumped in a chair. When he looked at the doorway, he saw Chowder standing there, with a smirk on his face.

“Nice to see you’re alive, Nursey, and that you two have made up. And made out.” Chowder laughed as Dex turned red and Nursey guffawed. 

The next day, Nursey went to Dr. Gerald’s office hours to turn in his love poem. He knocked on the doorframe and once Dr. Gerald waved him in, Nursey shut the door behind him.

“So, Derek,” Dr. Gerald said once they had gotten through their greetings. “Did the poem work?”

Nursey felt the blood rush to his cheeks. “Yes. It worked really well.”

“And it pushed you out of your comfort zone, yes?” 

“Yes sir.”

“Let me see it, then.” Dr. Gerald held his hand out expectantly. Nursey pulled his notebook out of his bag and handed it over once it was open to the right page. He sat there for a moment, looking deep in thought. “A little direct, but well done for your first foray into love poems. Now, let’s review what the homework was for tomorrow now that you’ve got your personal life sorted out.”

By the time Nursey got home from his workshop study group, he was ready for a nap. Sadly, Dex was out for one of his programming classes, so it would be a cuddle-less nap. He threw his bag down on his desk chair, and saw a red sticky note stuck on top of a textbook.

He peeled it off. It was Dex’s handwriting. It read:

“To breathe  
To take oxygen into your lungs  
To give life to a fire  
To exist, in conjunction with each other”

Immediately Nursey sent a text to Dex. ‘OMG YOU WROTE ME A POEM’

Dex’s response came immediately. ‘It’s a one-time deal’ Another text came in a moment later, ‘Sorry it’s not very good.’

‘Don’t be rude to my poem like that. I love it,’ Nursey texted back. Then he pulled out a thumbtack and hung the sticky note on the cork board above his desk, right next to a picture of Dex and Nursey with their arms slung around each other’s shoulder, happy smiles on their faces.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Lewis Del Mar's Loud(y)  
> Props to Ocean Vuong for his stellar poetry  
> Props to Ngozi for her stellar world
> 
> Disclaimer: This isn't meant to be an all encompassing view of Nursey and Dex's relationship. 
> 
> Sidenote: I wanted to write fluff today. This happened instead.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed it! Let me know what you think


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